Sunday, December 4, 2011

it's ok... I'll make it

The sun was peaking through my blinds this morning as I woke up. I had pulled my light comforter up to my chin, I was freezing. (It's hard for me now to keep my body temperature regulated. If I get too warm... I loose my vision. ) I stared up at my giant wall clock I have hanging near my closet that I can see without my glasses. I had an hour and a half left before I needed to leave for church.

I was ready for some alone time. This past week has been busy, and most of my time has been spent with family, friends, or work. My heart was heavy. I had been doing some research about my condition... and finally I allowed myself to cry. I cried for about a half an hour. 

In some ways I've minimized the seriousness in my head of this sickness... When I tell people their reactions are a lot more serious than the humor I use when I tell people about it. I laugh because if I don't... I don't think I will stop crying. 

I find myself saying all the time, "it's ok... I'll make it". And quite honestly, I think that I am reassuring myself most of the time of that. 

So... tonight... my heart is heavier than normal... the weakness is bad... so bad... I can't climb my stairs by myself. Quite honestly... I think I'll be sleeping in the living room tonight. I cried after church in my car because... curbs are hard. Who would have thought that my body strength could decrease so rapidly this week. 

But I trust My Lord. He will see me through it

2Cr 12:9But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me.
2Cr 12:10For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong.

So there's another sight into my heart and mind. It's a struggle... but it's ok... I'll make it. 

xoxo- me

1 comment:

Mama Mote said...

Your mom has got to be so proud of you. I know I am and I don't even know you. "I have no greater joy than to hear that my children are walking in the truth." 3 John 1:4
I will continue to pray for you.