Mustard Seed

"Oh great" I moaned as I put my head in my hands and leaned on my desk at work.

"What's wrong?" My coworker asked.

I looked up at him... and immediately he could see what I was disgruntled about. The left side of my face was twitching so badly it looked as if 2 tiny people were using it as a trampoline.

"It's just the stupid disease...I hate this thing." I said... trying to figure out if I could calm it down at all...

Whenever I get the least bit tired, exhausted, or hot... it starts going... as if mexican jumping beans had made a home inside my skin. Sometimes it wakes me up in the middle of the night... especially if I get too hot. Lucky me... It's just another one of my lovely symptoms... The big bummer, just like the hand tremors, it's visible to others. My favorite symptoms are the ones people don't notice... Like the bladder issues (well.. I hope no one ever has to notice that one!!! ha ha!!!) or... the exhaustion... or the weakness (eh... I guess my falling makes it kinda noticeable) or the pain... no one can really notice pain.. But then, people comment all the time about the visible symptoms... how my pupils are different sizes... "yeah... I know... no... I'm fine... yes I can see" (well... most of the time... just please don't report to the  police that I'm driving!!! ha ha!!!) . Or how my hands shake... or my jaw chatters...

"Let's call it your Mustard Seed" he said

I liked that.... immediately... actually loved it. He knew that I didn't like to call it by name especially since we don't have a "full" diagnosis yet. And having a code name for it... makes it less obvious to those around that something is off... for example... If I was starting to have really bad tremors... I could say "I'm going to check on my mustard seed in the back" mmmk... maybe that would be  really weird  totally noticeable that something was up... but it does make the situation easier in some way to talk about "it" especially on bad days.

And a mustard seed... I love the mustard seed... I even have a necklace with a tiny mustard seed in it to remind me..
Luke 17: 5 says
The apostles said to the Lord, "Increase our faith!" And the Lord said, "If you had faith like a grain of mustard seed, you could say to this mulberry tree, "be uprooted and planted in the sea" and it would obey you.

So here I sit... with my "mustard seed"... The funny thing about mustard seeds are they start out so small... tiny... and they grow into a giant bush... and SPREAD. And although I don't want this disease to spread like a mustard seed... I would love for my faith to spread... and I would love for it to grow bigger.

I just need to trust God... Have faith in him to heal me.

Even if it starts out small... tiny... like a mustard seed.

xoxo-me