Monday, November 28, 2011


I can remember it so clearly...

I was wearing my tulip dress.. it had individual petals for the skirt, I had owned it since kindergarten... It was one of my few store bought dresses...and my sweet mom and grandma kept adding longer petals as I grew... because I wasn't going to stop wearing my tulip dress... even as a big first grader.

We were sitting at the lunch table... My girlfriends and I were talking about the dance moves we were going to practice at recess. We chatted about the songs we would sing on our way out to the playground... And who would be the leader. Then it happened...

That boy... the one who would eventually become one of the heads of ASB grabbed his milk carton held it near his hips and yelled...


And he squeezed the bottle all over our sweet little mary jane shoes.

Now... my grown up Rachel mind laughs hysterically at the silliness of this little boy... boys will be boys...

But my six year-old-self (with no brothers... raised in a girly... ahem... super girly... even the dog was a girl house... my poor dad) was not only grossed out but absolutely devastated that the chocolate milk splashed onto my feet... and disgusted that he said the word wiener... at that point in my life I was pretty sure that "wieners" were a tale of fiction... girls don't have them. (Who am I kidding... I still think they are a tale of fiction ;) )

All I knew was that we weren't allowed to say that word... unless we were talking about a hot dog... oh... and my mom wanted us to use the proper words for the bathroom... like urinate and defecate... Yeah... ever seen a six year old run up to her teacher and say "Mrs. Smith... I have to defecate!!!" Thanks dad for telling her that pee and poo were ok to say :) ha ha!

That afternoon, I went home... crawled up on my mommy's lap... stroked her hair and told her all about my "horrible day"... How embarrassed I was... and how mean that boy was to squirt his chocolate milk all over my beautiful shoes (yeah yeah...  the love of shoes started early).

She looked at me with her big blue eyes... and with the sweet humor that she has said, "Should we pack you up in a box of cotton and ship you off to the moon?"

"Yes", I said with the tears falling down my face.... only slightly more dramatic than I should have been.

She then told me I needed to tell my teacher (she didn't want my shoes to get ruined... or my feelings hurt... and Yes my mom was great... She taught us how to stand up for ourselves... and get the help we needed.. she didn't do it herself) Later that week... The boy wrote all of us girls an apology letter... and I truly think it might have helped him become the kind guy that everyone voted for later on.

Today I sat in my break-room... texting my mom... Nearly in tears... because of this stupid numbness and pain...

Me- I hurt so bad.

Mom- So sorry

Me- Tremors are bad too. :(

and then she pulled it... the one saying that will always make me smile... her combined humor and sympathy in one saying...

Mom- How about a box of soft fluffy cotton and a trip to the moon? ;-)

Me- Sounds good.

And it was with that... that I knew I would be ok. I need to stand up to the doctors tomorrow... And ask them to figure me out. I need to push... And be pushed... poke and be poked...

fill out the pile ... pile of new patient paper work I hate so much...

But tonight... I think I might, just might, get a box and fill it with cotton... and ship myself to the moon.

xoxo- me

P.S. Do you think I could fit my mattress in my box for the moon?  he he :)

1 comment:

Kathleen said...

I'm praying for an accurate diagnosis, so you can move forward...whatever that means.

Love you!