Sunday, September 11, 2011


I walked into the bathroom downstairs, I rested my hands on the white porcelain pedestal sink and looked at the empty wall with two screws sitting empty waiting for a mirror to be hung, and I knew that I needed to look at myself in a mirror... and tell myself

"You are going to be fine"

But, we have yet to buy a mirror for that bathroom. Every mirror we find is either too large or too small. And nothing looks quite right.

I grabbed the chrome soap dispenser and found my reflection in the top. (it was almost comical... really Rachel? You are talking to yourself through a soap dispenser?)

" You are going to be fine. You are going to be fine. You are going to be fine."  I said it over and over.

My eyes looked sorrowful. Why did that conversation bring up so much emotion? I had lied to my friend and said I was fine... I didn't care about the story I was just told. Although, truthfully... it dug deep into my soul. It opened a long-ago wound that had been sewn shut and with as much force as possible shoved grains of salt into it. I know that my friend meant no harm by sharing the story... But... The feelings of betrayal came back just as strong as the day I realized I was betrayed.

"Oh Lord... Heal my heart." I prayed.

"You are loved. You are strong. You are His" I assured myself while I looked into those deep golden brown and green eyes of mine.

Then tonight... As I sat thinking about betrayal... I couldn't help but think about how much worse it must be for God when I sin. When I betray him. It is surely worse than my silly earthly friends who have betrayed me. I need to seek him. I need to seek righteousness.

Tonight I couldn't sleep. But now that I've gotten my feelings down on paper I'll be able to.

 Have you ever dealt with betrayal? How can I pray for you?

xoxo- me

P.S.  My darling Josh is singing on my sidebar :) Love him... Love this song "You are Loved".  Listen to it and enjoy :) xoxo

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