This morning I woke up reeling from yesterday's events... not gonna lie... yesterday was horrible.
Currently, the birds are chirping outside my window... and the hummingbirds are making their morning visit to my window box... and I only got six hours of sleep... but there is no way I will fall back asleep now that I'm awake... not today. There is so much on my mind. So many questions.
Last night as I was getting ready for bed and I couldn't stop thinking about how God wont give me more than I can handle... I thought... Why then did he make me so strong??? I don't really want to handle anything else!!! I became frustrated... and couldn't stop asking the question...Why me?
I know that I am blessed... and I know there are many people in worse off situations. But I'm tired... I'm 24 and I've been dealing with one medical thing after another since I was 14. I don't know how much more I can take. But He does... and I need to rest in that. Rest in the fact that He knows the whole story.
So... yesterday during an "emergency appointment" I was told by my doctor that I'm no longer allowed to drive. I'm devastated... It's probably not forever... but for now... this isn't the first time in this process that I've been banned... but again... I've lost that freedom. It's amazing how much that simple act of driving means to me. Being able to run to the store to quickly up a gallon of milk. Or driving down to the beach to watch the sunset. Now... I have to be driven. And I have to be driven to work... this is the hardest for me... but I'll make it... and hopefully... it's not forever.
Off to a new specialist today. Please pray for some answers... and for him to be knowledgeable.
Funniest part... the doctor I was referred to yesterday... His last name is that of a blackbird... and all I could think of was that song bye bye blackbird... particularly the version that plays in Sleepless in Seattle... And how much I would like to say bye bye to my blackbird of this illness... So... I put it on my sidebar... and then a version by my fav... Dean Martin which is a little bit more jazzy and fun... and I need fun right now... So... the first is from Sleepless and the second is from my love... Dean :)
Enjoy :) and dance in your kitchen while you listen to Mr. Martin for me :)