Wednesday, August 17, 2011

bye bye blackbird

This morning I woke up reeling from yesterday's events... not gonna lie... yesterday was horrible.

Currently, the birds are chirping outside my window... and the hummingbirds are making their morning visit to my window box... and I only got six hours of sleep... but there is no way I will fall back asleep now that I'm awake... not today. There is so much on my mind. So many questions.

Why me?

Why now?

Last night as I was getting ready for bed and I couldn't stop thinking about how God wont give me more than I can handle... I thought... Why then did he make me so strong??? I don't really want to handle anything else!!!  I became frustrated... and couldn't stop asking the question...Why me?

I know that I am blessed... and I know there are many people in worse off situations. But I'm tired... I'm 24 and I've been dealing with one medical thing after another since I was 14. I don't know how much more I can take. But He does... and I need to rest in that. Rest in the fact that He knows the whole story.

So... yesterday during an "emergency appointment" I was told by my doctor that I'm no longer allowed to drive. I'm devastated... It's probably not forever... but for now... this isn't the first time in this process that I've been banned... but again... I've lost that freedom. It's amazing how much that simple act of driving means to me. Being able to run to the store to quickly up a gallon of milk. Or driving down to the beach to watch the sunset. Now... I have to be driven. And I have to be driven to work... this is the hardest for me... but I'll make it... and hopefully... it's not forever.

Off to a new specialist today. Please pray for some answers... and for him to be knowledgeable.

Funniest part... the doctor I was referred to yesterday... His last name is that of a blackbird... and all I could think of was that song bye bye blackbird... particularly the version that plays in Sleepless in Seattle... And how much I would like to say bye bye to my blackbird of this illness... So... I put it on my sidebar... and then a version by my fav... Dean Martin which is a little bit more jazzy and fun... and I need fun right now... So... the first is from Sleepless and the second is from my love... Dean :)

Enjoy :) and dance in your kitchen while you listen to Mr. Martin for me :)

xoxo- me


Kathleen said...

I'm sooo sorry you're having to go through all of this, but you're right...God has a reason and He won't give you more than you can handle. I'm praying for wisdon for the doctor and strength, stamina, and courage for you. May this be the end of seeking doctors and may Dr. Blackbird make a definitive diagnosis.

love you.

Anonymous said...

I like both versions of the song and I like your attitude just tell Blackbird byebye then leave it to God.

My care reciever died week before last, I had been seeing him for the last 6 months. He had a brain tumor and a severe stroke. His body was suffering so, but his faith in God was so strong that he never complained at all. He made my problems seem like nothing and I complain to God, so byebye Blackbird!!!!!!!

Your Uncle Richard