tonight... I had a melt down... tears streaming down my bright red cheeks, eyes puffed, and sobbing with words that were mumbled coming out of my mouth (ugh I hate to admit that I melted down... but I know you can probably relate... maybe? or maybe I'm just too emotional?).
"I'm not where I want to be!" I sobbed
"Why can't the doctor find this stupid bleeding, swelling and fevers and make it stop?"
"I am so frustrated... I want to be living on my own... I didn't want to be moving with you!" I told my mom
" The stock market went down a bunch last week... and I lost a ton of money" I cried when I thought about buying my house...
What caused this melt down? Well as you know we moved... and I have way too much fabric... and way too many dishes (for my new house... when I finally move out... I've been slowly buying stuff for my "hope chest" since I was thirteen)... In this new house I decided to refuse to store anything under my bed... because of allergies and if it's "hard" to get to, to clean... I wont.... also my elderly cat has a hard time jumping up on my bed if I have the risers on it to make it taller to store stuff... When seeing how much I had left... My dad suggested I store stuff under there... and I tried to explain again... why I didn't want to.
This whole thing started when I brought my mom in to my room to ask if she thought a shelving unit we saw would look ok in a certain spot. She agreed that it would. But then somehow... it all fell apart... I ended up in tears... pouring out my frustrations...
A combination of my favorite painting from my great grandma falling off the wall (stupid expensive hook thingy I bought didn't work) and the frame breaking (totally fixable... but I was super bummed), a lack of sleep (have you ever moved a cat? yeah... it's not going quite as well as I'd hoped... she woke me up to comfort her 5 times last night.), and pain, and having to take multiple trips to the restroom in the middle of the night to "be sick", and fevers... led to an emotional break down tonight... I'm certainly not proud of my puddle of sorrow I created for 10 minutes... but in a way... I think it helped... Sometimes just crying out all of your frustrations can make a person feel better...
Hopefully... tomorrow should be better... I am going to go look at some shelving... and hopefully I will be able to post pictures of my finished room soon... it is looking rather cute... but... I still have too much to organize.
hopefully we (the cat and I) will both sleep well tonight... and this week I find out the biopsy results :)
Oh please Lord... let them have an answer.
xoxo- me
2 comments:
Rachel,
I can somewhat relate to your account of your experiences. Last night the effects of my shingles seemed to become more evident from itching, burning, swollen spots, sharp pains, feeling like my skin is stretched almost to bursting, headache and nausea. All of this makes me close to melting down too. But we must remember that there are many others who are worse off than us. Also, God knows what we can bear.
Papa
Rachael your great aunt Bette and I keep you in our prayerrs. We also keep your grandfather in our prayers. May God bless you! Yes sometimes tears are good for one, I know.
Your Great Uncle Richard
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