Wednesday, July 13, 2011

a little peek... all I want is a little peek.

This morning I watched the sweet summer flowers outside my window gently blow in the San Clemente breeze . As I laid in bed, and my curtains blew out then in out then back in, I realized how how peaceful this morning was. The sweet birds that have made a nest in our lemon tree were singing their beautiful morning song.

 My heart is anxious though. I can't rest in the peace this gorgeous morning. Today I'll find out if I have the West Nile virus. I wish I could just lay here, in my beautiful white sheets with pink embroidery on the top and let the day pass by. Today I don't want to go in to the doctors, I don't want to be told everything is clear. Today... I want my answer... I need my answer...  I want to get back to living. I want to feel... good.

Today I want to walk out of this deep valley and walk up to the top of the mountain, ok... it doesn't even have to be the highest peak... It can be a little hill. I just want to see the view, have a little peek down into the valley. I want to see the blessings and be able to appreciate the struggles that I have had while climbing up. I want to know that there is a reason... a diagnosis. 

Please Lord Please... let it be today... 

xoxo- me

P.S. click  play on the sidebar... I picked this song for today. 


Anonymous said...

My Dearest Rachel-
I have thought about you often and continue to pray that you get answers. I can totally relate to what you are going through, as I also went through the same thing several years ago when I had all my stomach pain. Took them a year to diagnose...many test, many doctors. I always wondered and wanted so badly to get an answer from God as to Why I was going through it and why so much pain. The kind of pain that made me want to no longer be here on this earth. But I realized that I had people in my life at that time that totally depended on me and that loved me, so leaving and going up to Heaven wasn't an option that I had at that time, nor do I think God was ready for me to come up and see him! Not sure to this day I can pinpoint why God put me through all of that, but I do believe that if nothing else it made me a wiser woman who knows what the worse pain in the world is....and now knows that nothing in my older age can compare. So...I go through each day, as I inch closer to the big 50, knowing that I am a strong woman who can endure anything God puts before me... and know in my mind, that ...I Can Do All Things Through Christ Who Strengthens Me. Philippians 4:13. So all the little pain I endure today, I live with, knowing that it's not all that bad in too will find some answers in the future. But I know how tough it is when you are the one who is in the midst of it. And I know the loneliness and feeling of "know one really understands the pain I am going through!"...Well I do! So my wise advise....Proverbs 3:5-6, Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths.
I love you so very much, and hope that you find answers soon, and that you can get back to the life that you once had....I will continue to pray for you. Aunt Diane

Kathleen said...

I'm praying a waiting for a diagnosis. Please God, let it be today.