How do I begin to heal?
My heart aches to be healed... I want to be better all the time.
The most difficult part of this disease is the unknown... I find it quite ironic actually... I went for months struggling with the "unknown" just to find out that I have been diagnosed with a disease that the doctors really don't know much about... totally ironic... don't you think?
These past few weeks have been hard... really hard... I have been on an emotional roller-coaster... trying to put the pieces together. The next few examples are just small snippets of that roller-coaster.
I received the official letter from the DMV that my license had been suspended for medical reasons... and that I will need to re-take my test when the doctor approves. So... hard.
I was told I could return to work part time... but I have to find a position... close to home that can deal with my "schedule"... excited... and terrified.
I realized that... I will be able to wear heels again someday (in the very distant future)... seriously... excited. I have a pair of red stilettos that have been collecting dust in my closet... and really really need a trip out the front door.
I am now allowed to be "cane free" in my house... but this has led to some really hard questions from people... "So are all of your symptoms gone? Are you better?"
I am not better... I still have every.single.symptom... some are getting better (leg weakness) and some are incredibly worse (I won't bore you... or more like gross you out...)
My "medical professionals" tell me to slow down... But, I want to be better, yesterday.
Every morning... I pull myself out of bed and pray... Please Lord... let this be the day. I know they said 6 to 12 months... but please... make it go away.
It is hard to be grateful... even though I know I should be...
These past few weeks have had some amazing blessings... for example... my puppy, Molly... The doctor had told me to get a dog... No, contrary to popular belief... I did not pay him to say that... but... I am really grateful that he did :) She is half Cairn terrier and 1/4 Chihuahua and 1/4 Dachshund... She weighs 12 pounds and is full grown... but all puppy... she is 8 months old. Warning... you are about to be inundated with pictures.
|I adopted my puppy... and this was the first picture we got together in the car... on our way to the pet store to buy some necessary supplies... like... food.|
Chatelaine wasn't so sure of her at first... but she has since warmed up quite a bit... I wouldn't say that they will be cuddling anytime soon... although Molly will try every chance she gets... but they are getting along quite well.
A fresh hair cut can make a world of difference... and my sweet hairdresser/friend had a little fun curling my ultra straight hair too :)
Molly can peer into the soul with those deep brown eyes...
Sometimes... I think God encourages us in creative ways... yes... I got three fortune cookies... yes... I am a fortune cookie hoarder... especially at Pei Wei ;)
So... that's where I am... It's hard... most days I want to curl up in a ball and let out a few tears... but I push on through my physical therapy... and re-training... it is just so hard... but who ever said that the road would be easy?