Wednesday, December 21, 2011

diagnosis... kinda

Well... I have an "official / unofficial" diagnosis.

Yeah you read that right...

My eyes gazed out the window as I asked him the question... I just couldn't bare to look in his eyes.

"Well... I don't really know." He murmured as he thumbed through his papers.

"Seriously... No... that is not acceptable. I need something... You have to say something... YOU HAVE TO!" I thought to myself, while my blood boiled inside me like a Christmas tea.

"Well what are you going to tell my insurance?" I asked (out loud... trying not to bite his head off)

He pulled out a pink piece of paper and scribbled a few words on it. Slowly he pushed it across the desk as if we were negotiating a price for a home... Then he said it... well I know that it is in this family...

I read the slip as he explained it out loud... I didn't hear his words... I only read what was on the slip... the slip I hold in my hands now...

"Possible neuro-muscular disorder/ demyelinating disease"

"So you still don't know what it is for sure?" my chin quivered as I asked the question...

"I'm sorry." he replied.

We had talked about this before... I've known that this was possibly the case... but him actually telling the insurance company... makes it "real"...  it means I no longer sit in the "unknown catagory". Hallelujah. He gave me 3 doctors phone numbers he wants me to get consults with all of them... just to make sure we haven't missed anything... a neurosurgeon... a neuro-muscular specialist... and some other neuro something that I can't remember... And he needed me to get another MRI... this time of my pelvis... (I got it done this evening. )

Then he said the words I've been selfishly waiting for... "We need to get you a handicapped placard."

YES!!! NORDSTROM'S HERE I COME!!!!!!!!!! No more waiting to park for me!!! (after my appt. I rushed to AAA and got my placard... best part of my day)

That was the best part of the appointment... well that and the fact that we've narrowed it down... and come up with a "kind-of-diagnosis" yeah... that's what we are calling it.

So now... we need to pray that I can get in to see the doctors in a timely fashion (super duper hard around Christmas). And that the last panel on the spinal tap would hurry up and come through. That all the doctors would have wisdom... and that I would have the grace to get through it all... I don't want to become angry.

yes... there is an example of that anger awaiting..

Today... I almost blew up at a woman at PT who was basically "the rudest person ever"... She walked in (yes... I am now jealous of those who just walk in) and demanded to know why it was so busy (it totally wasn't... there were lots of parents/spouses waiting in the waiting room)... she then went through her whole session whining about everything... I wanted to scream at her... I was jealous, mainly because she was walking... and I was mad that she was complaining.

Then we went to dinner... on our way out... I heard a man say.

"woah there grandma... don't hog up all the space with your walker"

I thought he was talking to me... just as I was getting ready to turn around and give him a shiner (lol... just picture that in your head for a moment... yeah... it is just as funny as you think... my 5 foot frame reaching up... lol) I saw that he actually had a grandma with him... he wasn't talking to me.

So... I'm apparently over-sensitive... and over emotional.. but tomorrow will be better.

And at least I have a handicapped placard....


P.S. I am now available for hire as a parking buddy... yes I have to go with you... and yes I am partial to shoe stores... especially shoe stores where I can special order flats in a 6 ;) But for the next few months/years... My wallet says I'm going to be a really good window shopper :)

1 comment:

Cindy said...

Oh, Rachel. You and your handicap placard are welcome company any time. :-)
I'll be praying for the appointments to get booked and for the test results to come in.
I'm sorry that the diagnosis is still not defined, but grateful that you have a sense of humor and a loving family and group of friends surrounding you.
Merry Christmas, my friend!