Thursday, June 16, 2011

still waiting

I'm still waiting. I don't know how else to say it... but I'm still in this horrible waiting position. My body hurts more and more with each day. For a while the pain had flattened... It wasn't increasing with each coming day... but just staying steady... but now... it's feels as though it doubles daily. 

Tomorrow I should know my results of the cat scan... I'm terrified. 

This whole road has been questions... I haven't had one thing that was an exact answer... I feel like I take 4 steps forward and 7 backward... Every doctor has told me that... there is something very wrong... we need to find it. 

Times like these can be very difficult for those around the "sick one". Everyone goes on edge... say one wrong thing and people explode. The normal peace is replaced with frustration and anger. A desire to "fix" and when they can't fix... it becomes more frustrating... We cling to God's word and promises... and pray for patience. 

Tonight... as my hands shake while I am typing this... and my chest aches with that horrible awful ache I knew so well six years ago, I look to tomorrow... I wait for tomorrow... I wait for my answer.... I want this to end. 

Lord... Please take us out of the valley... show us the path. 



Anonymous said...

Dear Rachel, I'm glad to hear you don't have Castleman's but so sorry that you still don't have an answer! Waiting is so hard. You WILL get through this as God is with you and He will never leave or forsake you.

Mary N.

Anonymous said...


I have taken to reading your blog pretty regularly. I enjoy your writing, eventhough it is of the painful journey you are traveling at this point in time. I keep you in my meditations and thoughts for a prognosis that will ease your worries.
much admiration and affection to you. an old friend